The Secret to Breaking Bad Habits

by Jeff on December 19, 2011

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The following post is from Jeff of My Super-Charged Life:

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My friend wants to break her bad habits.

“I’m tired of people looking down on me,” she says. “I want to lose weight and be able to fit into stylish clothes.”

“So, why don’t you eat less and exercise?”, I ask.

“I try, but I just can’t do it.  I feel hungry all the time and I’m so tired after work that I just don’t feel like exercising.  Plus, with the kids, the house, the holidays and work, when do I have time?  It sounds easy, but it takes a lot of effort to lose weight.”

Habits die slowly.  Bad ones cling to us like gum to the bottom of a shoe.

The Trouble With Habits

We know what we should do.  My friend knows that she needs to reduce her calorie intake and increase her activity to lose weight.  She understands the logic plainly enough.  That’s not the problem.

It just seems so difficult, so hard to stop.

She’s in the habit of overeating.  She’s also in the habit of lying lifelessly on the couch watching American Idol.

Granted, she works hard and has a family to take care of, but she says she wants to lose weight.  Her habits are holding her back.

“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”  Charles C. Noble hit the nail on the head with this quote.  He knew that ingrained habits take over.  They don’t just have a life of their own.  They have our life too and they hold on to it with unbelievable strength.

The Secret to Breaking Up

Breaking up with a bad habit is hard to do, but it is not impossible.

Bad habits come in all shapes and sizes and they do not discriminate.  We all have a few.  Many of our bad habits have been around so long they seem like old friends.

They can be as harmless as biting your nails or as serious as smoking, lying or taking drugs.  A bad habit, by definition, has a negative consequence.

Bad habits repel us, but at the same time, we can’t let go.

So, what’s the secret to breaking up with a bad habit?  How can we walk away and never look back?

The secret is that you’ve got to really want to be free.  You’ve got to want it more than the other thing.

Please Don’t Leave Before I Explain

Hang with me here for a minute.  On the surface, this may seem like a gross oversimplification, but let me assure you that it is not.

My friend says she wants to slim down so she can wear different clothes, but when push comes to shove, in the heat of the moment, she actually wants to eat and be idle more than she wants to lose weight.  I’m not being mean, I’m just being truthful.

In her mind, she values the payoff (the emotional, physical and psychological comfort) she gets from eating and lounging over the theoretical value she’d gain from losing weight.

If you truly need to break a bad habit, then you’ve got to change your mind about it.  I mean this in a very literal sense.  You’ve got to start by first completely overhauling how you think about the behavior you want to change.

Start by finding and acknowledging the payoff.  Why are you so addicted to this behavior?  Because that’s what it is, an addiction.  What do you secretly love so much about it?  Can you be honest with yourself?  It is hard to admit that we love something that ultimately hurts us, but, in the case of a bad habit, that’s the deal.

We love the payoff.  We love the comfort it gives us.  We love the pleasure.  We love, love, love it, but it makes us feel guilty.  Guilty that we are weak.  Guilty that we can’t stop (or don’t really want to stop).  Guilty for the damage our bad little habit is doing to us.

So, the secret to breaking a bad habit is to decide what you love the most.  You have to get 100% crystal clear about this.  If you choose to stop you can, but you must be absolutely convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are ready to walk away.

Do you know the payoff you’re getting from your bad habit? Are you ready to let it go?

Jeff Nickles writes My Super-Charged Life to help people find success and meaning in their life. He has spent many hours researching these topics and loves making it easy for others to use the wisdom he discovers. Jeff is a corporate IT Director, but also has experience as an entrepreneur, consultant, training instructor, and military officer.

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  • http://alma376.blogspot.com/ Erin

    So true. Last year, I finally started exercising and following a strict diet with whole grains, fresh produce, lots of lean protein, and no sugar. I had a vision board that I looked at every day to remind myself of what I was going for.  I lost 30 lbs and felt fabulous! Many people said to me, “I wish I could do that.” I told them that if I could, they could! They all had reasons why they couldn’t give up sugar or could not exercise.  It really does come down to what you want.

  • Heather

    If I was your friend I would be pretty offended by the way you presented this. It’s not nearly as simple as this. Many of us who are overweight are not this way simply because we are “in the habit of overeating” and “lying lifelessly on the couch”! There are other things at play. Slow metabolism, hypothyroidism, hyperglycemia, fibromyalgia, lupus, depression, seasonal affective disorder and many other things make exercise extremely difficult for many people. It is not just that they are lazy and just “love overeating and lying on the couch” more than they value being thin. Try being a bit more understanding and less judgmental. There is more to life than being thin.

    • Mel

      Heather, re-read the post.  It is not about people who suffer from health problems.  It is about people who have bad habits, and overeating and being a couch potato are examples.  I’m here to tell you that just as people who are overweight due to health problems do exist, and absolutely deserve understanding rather than judgment from others, people who are carrying around extra pounds due to bad habits also exist.  I’m one of them, and I can clearly see the difference between the two.  I don’t need understanding, I need to change my habits.

  • Angela

    I don’t understand why people continue to attribute successful behavior change to a thought process. It’s circular reasoning. How do you change your habits? You have to change what you really want. But how will you know when you really want it enough? When you start actually changing your habits.

    Relying on thought processes to change behavior is not a good strategy. If you want to change behavior you have to focus on the behaviors and their consequences.

  • http://www.momdropbox.com Audrey

    I agree with the premise that you have to change your mindset in order to break bad habits.  However, I think the example given about wanting to lose weight isn’t necessarily a good one to illustrate this.  While bad habits certainly factor into being overweight, they are often not the only factor.  Genetic predisposition, physical problems, and self esteem issues are among the other reasons people have a hard time losing weight.

    • Melissa

      I agree that this is a poor example. I have successfully lost weight and the only way it’s really possible is by being hungry most of the time. (I’m sure people will deny that, but it’s true.) It also take months if you have more than 5 pounds or so to lose. It takes an ENORMOUS amount of willpower to be hungry most of the time for months. It’s a lot more than just “breaking a bad habit.”

  • Mom

    Amen to Mel….

  • Anonymous

    The one drawback to couponing is when you eat a mostly raw, natural foods, organic diet there are very little food coupons available to you. I’ve also yet to see coupons for the fluoride free dental products we use or all-natural deodorants and soaps.  The only coupons I ever use are for paper products, trash bags, and pet food/litter. :(

  • Pingback: Breaking Bad Habits is Hard but Possible

  • http://www.northerncheapskate.com/ Christina@Northern Cheapskate

    I’m not exaggerating!  There are a few locally owned stores that offer them in my area, and as far as “chain” stores, our Cub Foods offers coupons for fruits and vegetables all the time both in the Sunday sales flyer and via their e-mails.  I got an e-mail from them this week with a coupon for clementines. Last week they had a coupon where you got free potatoes and carrots when you bought a roast.

  • http://www.northerncheapskate.com/ Christina@Northern Cheapskate

    I’m not saying that you’ll be able to be an extreme couponer with these store coupons… but it’s something to help you save a little bit on the healthier food items.

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